Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
