why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
