I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
