went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
only you would photoshop your dick
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
