So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
