i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
