Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it

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(214): View more from Texas

Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction

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(607): View more from New York

I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.

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(772): View more from Florida

I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit

(1-772): View more from Florida

Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex

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(304): View more from West Virginia

He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.

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(831): View more from California

to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal

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(734): View more from Michigan

it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.

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