So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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