I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
