i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
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