I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
