maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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