thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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