You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
