just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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