Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
