I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
