"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
