so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize