Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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