More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
