So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
