Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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