We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Jerry, you need to find god
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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