i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
