Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
