He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize