dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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