put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
