Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Two words: blizzard sex
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
