It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
