are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
