yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
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