We're like a lot better than the average bears
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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