And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
