yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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