thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
