The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
