be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
