Already got asked if we're dating
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
