3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
