Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
