I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
