I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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