he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
