I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
