Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
