so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
