My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
