i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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