D3 body, D1 cock
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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