But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
