There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Alive.
So much puke
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Randomize
