Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Randomize