so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
please come you make the beer taste better
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
