Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
