meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
