Jerry, you need to find god
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
