can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
