..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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