glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Screwed.edu
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize