I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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