I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
