So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
