you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
