So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
