my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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