We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Brb crying the tears of my youth
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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