ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
