U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
someone owes me an orgasm
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
