There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
