Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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