You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
