my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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