i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
